What to Get the Nation with Everything?
by QueenKit
Summary: It's nearly America's birthday and Matthew's run out of ideas for gifts to give his brother.


**Title: **What to Get the Nation with Everything?  
><strong>Words:<strong> 3,682  
><strong>Rating:<strong> T (PG-13) – some coarse language and adult innuendo  
><strong>Summary:<strong> It's nearly America's birthday and a Matthew's run out of ideas for gifts to give his brother.  
><strong>Warnings:<strong> I routinely switch between referring people by country and by name.  
>For reference - countries listed by name &amp; country: Alfred America, Ludwig/ Germany, Arthur/ Iggy/ England, Matthew/ Canada, Ivan/ Russia, Natalia/ Belarus, Papa/ Francis/ France, Italy/ Feliciano, Prussia/ Gilbert, Antonio/ Spain, Southern Italy/ Romano, & Austria/ Roderich.  
><em>Any and all knowledgeparody of Nordic Nations comes from Scandinavia and the World (satwcomic dot com).  
><em>**Other Notes:** No Pairings, America & Canada are just brothers.  
><strong>Disclaimer:<strong> I do not own the characters from Hetalia.

* * *

><p>He came to the conference room twenty minutes late with seventeen bags of hamburgers in his hands and an extra-extra-large coke. How he managed to carry it all was a mystery that no one could solve, nor did anyone want to for the headache it was certain to cause. And who was this who had finally arrived at the meeting? It was America of course, irresponsible and unhealthy as usual.<p>

As soon as he dumped his packages onto the table in front of his spot he started to speak. "Hey everyone! Like, I have an announcement to make and it's really important so you have to listen to it!"

Which, like any demand made by any of those in the room, caused chaos to break out as each of the others clamored for attention demanding to know why they should have to listen to Alfred and then degenerating into the typical rivalries that made up the social structure of the world's nations. If it weren't for Ludwig getting fed up with the increasing noise and delay in getting anything that was actually on the agenda done the fights would have never ended.

*"VOULD EVERYBODY JUST SHUT UP! How many times do I have to tell you zat ve are here to _solve_ ze problems of our countries razur zan arguing over ze issues of ze past. As ze rest of you still have not learned how to conduct a proper meeting it appears zat I am going to have to take charge _again_ and you vill have to follow my rules as I set zem out for you. Only vun person may speak at a time und you have eight minutes in vhich to make your point und you may not go over zis limit. If you vish to speak you may raise your hand. UNDERSTOOD?"

The other nations, suitably cowed – at least for the moment – subsided in their bickering and turned to Germany waiting to see how the blond haired man would proceed from there. Unfortunately for them…

*"Sehr gut. Now as you said you have an announcement to make to us, America, I give you ze floor."

"Wicked Dude, I knew you'd understand! Germany you're the best!"

Germany looked rather nonplused at this declaration, but despite the rather lackluster reception of what was, to Alfred, an impressive compliment he continued onwards with his important announcement.

"Well everybody as you know it's June 27th, only a week away from one of the most important days of the year!" he pauses a moment and when no one else speaks up he continues, "My independence day! Y'know the day that I was all like 'No way gramps', no offence Iggy, 'I'm not paying your taxes and I don't want to have tea with you anymore'. And that's when I started on my way to becoming the Hero I am now! So, like, I'm having a party and you're all invited, but don't forget to bring me presents and fireworks because it's, like, my birthday! So don't forget to come to my beach house in Florida at Noon on the fourth for my awesome barbeque and bring gifts for me, the hero, Alfred F. Jones!

"I'll leave now so you can discuss what awesome gifts you're going to bring me! America Out!"

And with that he took his leave, taking a half of a hamburger in one bite as he exited, leaving one nation in particular with a very pressing question to be answered.

_What do you get the nation that has everything?_

It was a question that Canada asked himself every year. And every year his brother, totally disregarding the thought that he put into his gift, broke, ate, or threw it away with barely any notice. So Matthew decided to go around and see what the other nations were thinking of doing.

Oh sure most of them were even now complaining about the fact that Alfred would be expecting them all to get him presents, but in the end most of them would certainly be there with a gift for the tall American. Why would they bring him a gift when they disliked him and didn't want to? Well because Alfred would be a right royal pain in the ass for the next year at the very minimum, if they didn't bring him something to celebrate the fact that he was a year more independent than he was the year before.

Seeing as Russia was coming over to sit on him _again_ he decided to quickly stand – to disrupt his obvious sitting-on-Canada plan – and ask him what he was planning to get for Alfred.

"S-So, R-russia… What are you planning to get America?" He asked in a terrified whisper looking at the intimidating violet eyed man.

"I will bring him the head of those annoying mortal terrorists that have been irritating him."

"O-oh well that seems nice-" Matthew was rather surprised to hear of the Russian desiring to do something so generous for another country, maybe he was changing for the better. Usually everything was just about-

+"And then in repayment he will have to become one, Da? Kol kol kol kol kol."

Never mind that thought. Russia hadn't changed a bit.

"Ah… Ah…"

Matthew quickly hurried over to the next nearest country, desperate to escape before Ivan could find a way to sit on him anyway. Unfortunately the next closet person was Natalia.

"M-miss Belarus. What are you planning to get America?" He asked Ivan's equally terrifying little sister.

"I'll be giving him one of my finest knives."

"Y-you will?" He was rather more hesitant to attribute this to any sense of generosity after Ivan's gift…

"Yes, Right in the heart and then I'll take over his land and brother will finally marry me. And stop paying attention to him. What does he need to give America a gift for? The only one he should be giving gifts to is me!"

Matthew trembled and Ivan got a sudden chill down his spine despite being unable to hear what Belarus was saying.

"BROTHER! MARRY ME!" Natalia shouted to her, in her mind, future husband.

+"Nyet! I vill not marry you Natalia!" Shouted the terrified Russian.

Canada fled while they were distracted with each other. The next person that he ran into was his father.

^"Bonjour, Papa."

^"Ah! Bonjour mon petit Mattieu! How are you today?" Exclaimed the Frenchman happily, hugging and inappropriately groping his "son".

"A-ah, I am doing well Papa."

The groping continued as Kumajirou started to growl at Francis.

"Good good!" He explained releasing Matthew from his hug and kissing him on both cheeks. "Was there something that you needed, Mattieu?"

The growling stopped, but the polar bear continued to stare at France suspiciously.

"I was just wondering what you were planning to get America this year, Papa."

"I will be giving him the same thing I have every year Mattieu! I will be getting myself another big red, white, and blue bow and presenting myself to him, in the nude!"

"Ah.. ok Papa… It looks as if you're going to be beaten up again this year…"

It seemed that his father would never learn that Alfred did not appreciate his obvious come-ons. And just as with each country before, he didn't get any helpful ideas from the conversation either. And so he wandered over to see Ludwig, who was looking rather stressed at what this meeting had turned into despite Feliciano's attempts to cheer him up.

"Hello Italy, Germany." He nodded at both of them. "Do you know what you are planning to get America this year?"

Italy, Feliciano, lit up smiling. "I'm-a going to bring him some of my best-a Pasta! What about-a you Germany?"

Germany looked uncomfortable at the question. Social situations were not the strict nation's forte.

*"I-I guess I could bring him some vurst…" He replied uncertainly causing Feliciano to utter exclamations of how genius it was.

"Germany, that-a sounds like a great-a idea! Hey! Maybe we can-a combine our gifts! I found-a some great pasta recipes that use wurst! Wurst-a in the meat-a sauce, wurst sliced-a and mixed in the pasta-"

Since becoming friends with Germany, Feliciano had learned _a lot_ of dishes incorporating wurst, as it was one of Ludwig's favorite foods, and he seemed determined to list them all. However he was cut off mid-listing when Ludwig, realizing Mathew was trying to speak, put a hand over the Italian's mouth so that they could hear what the quiet Canadian had to say.

"I'm sure he'll like that." Matthew replied smiling and getting a happy smile from the carefree Italian in return. This reply also garnered a sigh of relief from the worried German. While Canada usually remained forgotten and unnoticed by the other nations, when the others did remember Matthew they remembered that he knew Alfred well and so his approval of the idea meant that the American would certainly be fine with it as well.

Matthew waved goodbye to the babbling Feliciano and silently listening Ludwig and wandered off to see who else he could find to ask about gifts, while avoiding the other scary countries. Encountering Russia and Belarus within a couple of minutes of each other was quite enough for one day.

Mostly this just meant that he needed to avoid Switzerland and Liechtenstein, knowing that Liechtenstein would give Al chocolate from her brother's country while Switzerland would just write his name on the tag to get out of giving a separate gift. After all, Liechtenstein wouldn't mind.

Actually for that matter perhaps he should avoid his Nordic "cousins" as well. He tended to end up in trouble when he was around the Nordics -Iceland, Norway, Denmark, Sweden, and Finland. Most of them had a more than healthy liking for beer and too much beer meant the Canadian was likely to turn into what Alfred had termed "Scary-Hockey-Viking-Man". Something he had no desire to have happen in a conference full of nations that routinely ignored him or abused him for his similarity in appearance to his brother. He had a feeling if he were to get so out of control there would be a lot of blood, most of it not his. Alfred wasn't the only one with super strength.

There were other nations as well that he knew he could cross off his list for potential ideas. At the top of that list to be crossed of were Prussia, Hungary, Spain, and South Italy.

Prussia, the second member of the Bad Touch Trio as many nations called them, would certainly be offering his brother much the same gift as his Papa was. This secured Miss Hungary's gift. She would provide the threats to control Gilbert's tendency for groping so that Alfred would only have to focus on beating up Papa for his gift rather than the both of them.

This left only Antonio of the trio to perhaps cause trouble with his "gift". However, while Spain _would_ offer Alfred groping and more, once Alfred turned him down he would be content to settle back into his routine of chasing Feliciano's Southern Brother, Romano. Romano, who never actually intended to give Alfred a gift, unfortunately ended up being attributed as having given Alfred the gift of distracting Antionio into leaving Alfred the hell alone.

It was also certain as clockwork that Alfred would get a lovely handmade card and a hug from Ukraine because she couldn't afford to spend much and that the Baltic states- Latvia, Estonia, and Lithuania - would likely also just provide a card and as usual leave the party early to escape a certain Russian who was likely to get drunk on his vodka for the event.

Austria would provide Alfred with another CD of classical music that would only be used as a coaster until Canada saved it, hopefully before Roderich noticed so his brother didn't manage to offend the other nation.

Matthew's friend Cuba would certainly be providing his brother with some Cigars again. Alfred would save them for special events and it was usually the only smoking his brother indulged himself in these days.

China was likely to bring some of his authentic cuisine in yet another attempt to get America to stop making American-Chinese food as well as providing cheep bulk paper plates and plastic ware that were of a reasonable quality.

And Japan would provide whatever latest bit of technology or new game he was sure Alfred would be entranced by, which he was always right about. It was usually the most successful gift of the night. Alfred was almost as addicted to technology and gaming as he was to Hamburgers, Baseball, and Apple Pie.

In fact looking around Matthew realized that for most of the nations he could figure out what they would be bringing with ease. Most of them brought the same thing every year, whether it was a national specialty product or the fireworks and other party supplies.

This still left the Canadian, who was absentmindedly petting his polar bear companion, with the dilemma of what exactly he was going to get his brother for his big independence celebration. Discouraged he left the conference room to return to his hotel room. Hopefully something would come to him in the next few days in time to have it ready for his brother's party.

~~~One Week Later~~~

Matthew cautiously entered his brother's party barely glancing at all of the red white and blue decorations that filled the backyard of America's house. He was careful to ensure that no one noticed him deliberately not approaching the gift table when he had neither provided supplies & food nor was he near naked like Francis, Antonio, or Gilbert.

In the week following the Alfred's invitation he had not been able to come up with a single thing that his brother might want that he wouldn't already be receiving. A fact that was proven when Alfred opened his gifts to reveal exactly what Matthew had expected, including cards from those who provided the supplies and food ensuring that the American knew that they had not forgotten to provide him with something on what Alfred considered the most important day of the year.

~~AMERICA!~~

It was a rather confused America who looked over at his brother after all the gifts were opened and he realized that he had received nothing from his brother. It was so unlike Matthew who had always gotten him something.

~~Canada~~

Matthew hung his head in shame, unable to meet his brother's eyes because of his inability to provide something for his brother, despite the fact that Alfred routinely missed celebrating Canada's own Independence Day with him.

He very nearly left the party early, but his brother cornered him and insisted that he stay. Matthew was wrapped up in his worries about not having a gift and therefore didn't catch the look of worry in his brother's eyes at the Canadian's uncharacteristic behavior.

So Matthew stayed until the end of the party, watching his brother get increasingly drunk on some cheep beer - most likely provided by one or more of Canada's Nordic cousins. As usual Kumajirou was curled up on Matthew's lap. The little bear was dozing fitfully, the loud music and fireworks grating on the bears sensitive hearing, but he wouldn't leave his master, and a table of sushi fit for a king (or hungry polar bear), here alone.

It was only once everyone else cleared out and Matthew was left with only one sleepy and pleasantly full polar bear and terribly drunk brother in a house that looked like it had been hit by a red white and blue tornado that the idea came to him. No one usually stayed to clean up after the party and there was no one to help take care of Alfred as he fell down drunk just attempting to walk, let alone pick the plates off the ground.

And so Matthew hefted his intoxicated - "Ahmn'na drunk, Ahmn totally shlober." "Sure you are, you just can't stand up, eh?" "Es- eksh- Yeah!" - brother onto his shoulder and carried him to bed, leaving trash bins close to _both_ sides of the enormous bed for the inevitable nausea he would suffer. A half asleep Kumajirou following as far as the living room with its polar bear friendly white recliner to continue his own nap in more comfortable environs.

Matthew also made the decision to settle down on Alfred's couch for a quick nap. The party had run well past four in the morning before it had cleared out and Matthew had been up since nine that morning, but the determined Canadian slept for only an hour before he got up to check on Alfred.

After checking on his brother Matthew returned outside and proceeded to quickly and efficiently clean the yard of all the party debris, although he made sure to return to check on Alfred every so often and, on at least a couple occasions, empty one or both of the trash bins and wipe Alfred's face with a cool cloth.

It was probably around noon when he had to stop to take another rest, but again he was up in an hour to get back to cleaning and keeping an eye on his foolish brother. It was at that time where as he checked on Alfred again the blond woke up slightly more coherent than he had been before and grabbed Matthew's wrist.

"Y'know Matty. Y're the best brother a guy could ask for. Thanks fer everything." He said before dozing off again a smile on his face. Alfred was apparently feeling much better because he didn't wake up again until around six, when Matthew, after finishing his cleaning, was making a quick and light supper.

~~AMERICA!~~

Enticed by the smell of food the American stumbled out of his room and into the kitchen. And as he did so he looked outside, where he could clearly see that the mess he had left there when Matthew had taken him to bed was no longer there. When he saw Matthew in the kitchen he noticed how tired Matthew seemed. Had his brother gotten any sleep?

~~Canada~~

"Hey Matty."

The Canadian shook himself back to reality from wherever his mind had wandered and finally noticed his brother standing there. "Al, how are you feeling?"

"I'm doing well." His stomach grumbled, "Er… I'm a bit hungry."

"That's fine Alf, I've just made supper, eh. It's Soup a' La What-I-Could-Find-In-Your-Cupboards-And-Fridge." Said the Canadian with a laugh.

"That sounds excelled. I've always liked your Soup a'L'adventure." He replied. Matthew had a talent of managing to make even what slim pickings Alfred kept in his house, he usually ate out these days, into a meal fit for a king.

Matthew served out the soup for the two of them and they sat eating it in companionable silence. The only interruption was when a soft white snout poked its way around the corner from the parlor when Kumajirou woke up and decided he was hungry. It was fortunate that there was still some fish leftover from last night for the little bear.

"Y'know Matty," said Alfred as he put down his spoon next to his empty bowl. "I think this is the best birthday gift I've ever gotten. It's nice to just hang with you little bro. The cleaning and taking care of me's nice too."

"Really?"

"Yeah." It was around then that Alfred realized he had forgotten something. "Oh! I have something for you Matty! I meant to give it to you when you got here yesterday!"

The American raced back to his room, pulling open a secret hiding place while his brother sat stunned at the table - America was already back to full form it seemed – and pulled out the basket contained within before bounding back into the kitchen.

"Happy Belated Canada Day Matty!" He said thrusting the basket at his brother. "Sorry I've been forgetting your B-day Matty. I wanted to make up for it this year. And see! I didn't forget this time." Alfred beamed at his brother, ecstatic to finally have been able to remember to get a gift for him. Alfred cared for Matty a lot, after all he was his brother and Matty had done so much for him.

Inside the basket were a variety of maple flavored items as well as a collection of Pancake recipes that Canada had not yet managed to acquire, not an easy thing to find, but for Matty Alfred had been determined to succeed. He had focused and used all his considerable, when he put his mind to it, skills in diplomacy to acquire recipes that Matthew had been unable to get for himself. And to top it all off, for having missed it for so long, there were gift certificates to Matthew's favorite stores and credits at several shops that sold the high quality fish that Kumajirou loved best.

"Alfred," Matthew said, surprise evident in his voice, "this is too much."

"No." Alfred stubbornly shook his head. "It's just enough for the most awesome brother in the world. You've been there for me for a long time even when I've been an ass. Having you for a brother is the best thing that ever happened to me and don't you forget it Matty. No one else would have given me as good a gift as you did today."

Then Alfred gave him a look he was unaccustomed too and Matthew got very nervous. Alfred was frowning at him sternly.

"Now it's to bed with you little brother." Matthew saw the corners of Alfred's lips twitching as if to smile. "I think we could both use a little more sleep." Alfred, unable to hold back burst into a big grin as he wrapped his arm around his brother's shoulders and dragged him into his room to have a sleepover like they used to do when they were little.

Matthew smiled. It seemed like there was something he could give his brother after all.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:<strong> The end of this fic just decided to wander wherever it wanted to go. Alfred wanted Matty to know that he thought his taking care of him was an excellent gift and to make up for missing Canada's birthday. Somehow it ended up going into the kinda sweet you're my brother, and I'm glad you are. Apparently he isn't just a greedy present loving boy.

**Language Notes:**

*German (accent)  
>Vould, Ve, Vill, Vhich, Vish – Would, We, Will, Which, Wish<br>Zat, Ze, Zan, Zem, Zis – That, The, Than, Them, This  
>Vun – One<br>Razur – Rather  
>Und – And<br>Sehr gut: Very Good  
>Vurst – Wurst (A German Sausage)<p>

+(Russian)  
>Da - Yes<br>Nyet – No

^(French)  
>Bonjour – (Greeting) Good Day Good Morning  
>Mon petit Mattieu – My little Matthew<p> 


End file.
